


you see, my hope was all but gone.

by sunfull



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, M/M, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-17 09:26:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18962470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunfull/pseuds/sunfull
Summary: Donghyuck's a childhood friend turned into a fan, who's a tiny bit oblivious and self-deprecating.





	you see, my hope was all but gone.

**Author's Note:**

> hello, this took me awhile! the prompt was originally supposed to be a fan/idol but i don't advertise that kind of romanticization, so i kind of tweaked it a bit. 
> 
> i hope you don't mind! 
> 
> disclaimer: 
> 
> i don't own any of the characters and i'm not associated in anyway or form with the people and companies mentioned in this work. this is all fictional. 
> 
> also, unbeta-ed because i don't know where to find a beta.

Back in 2013, if someone had asked Donghyuck what he wanted to be when he grew up, he probably would’ve said an idol which he was, actually, well on his way to becoming. 

Until he quit two years ago.

Donghyuck was one of the very few people who managed to pass SM Entertainment’s weekly Saturday auditions. Quite easily, he may add. His high-toned voice and overall appearance allowed him to breeze easily through the auditions and tests that followed until he was considered to be one of the very top trainees that would likely be in the company’s latest boy group.

Debuting was literally at the tip of his fingertips. 

Before he saw firsthand the effect of all the fame. 

In the back of Donghyuck’s mind he’d always known it wasn’t going to be a smooth ride. It's always been implied that even after he debuts, things never get easier. He knows that a fan’s love could very quickly turn into hate, how his private life would basically be non-existent, how he’d never really get a full night’s sleep and the moment their group has that one hit that everyone will know the words to, he’d basically have no semblance of something that’s just his. 

Up until that point, Donghyuck had been okay with it. He’s actually grown indifferent to it, trained to handle these things through many classes the company had had to offer. It’s only when something happens to one of his fellow trainees, that he’s shaken to his very core and realizes how fucked up it could all be.

Yejoon had been one of his closest friends. Four years older, not only popular among all the trainees but to the company’s loyal fans as well. His tall stature, natural skills, and genuine smile gaining him fans left and right. Several fansites had already been set up for him, and he was pretty much guaranteed to debut. 

Before a blurry picture of him kissing what clearly looks to be a man was released and his contract was subsequently terminated. It had been horrible hearing about it through the never-ending gossip within the company, but even more so when Donghyuck met up with him at a local cafe a week later, only to find out he’d been kicked out of his house, clearly looking tired and worse for wear but somehow still managing a smile for Donghyuck.

Yejoon smiles, rueful. “You know you’re one of the very few people who even bothered to contact me after I got kicked out?”

Donghyuck replies with a hesitant smile, unsure how to respond. What do you say to make up for how shitty the rest of your friends have been. 

Yejun clearly sensing his discomfort, reaches across the table to pat his shoulder. “It’s okay, I had a feeling I was going to get caught sooner or later. My boyfriend- the guy in the picture, I’ve known him since I was five. We started dating when we were fifteen and never stopped. When I joined the company, I thought to myself ‘I have to do it, I have to break up with him’. But then a month passed, then six, and before I knew it four years had passed and I still didn't. I couldn’t, I didn't want to and eventually I got caught.”

He goes on to tell Donghyuck that his parents kicked him out, almost immediately as soon as he came home, giving him just enough time to pack up a sufficient amount of clothes and that he’d been living with his boyfriend since. 

Throughout the entirety of the story Donghyuck barely manages to hold in his tears. He knows that Yejoon was probably censoring most of what he’d been experiencing by making it seem a lot lighthearted than it actually was, but the tension in his shoulders seems to be more and more apparent as he continues to tell his story.

At a loss for words, Donghyuck tries to redirect the subject to something he hopes would help Yejoon ease his mind off of things, “Tell me about your boyfriend, huh? I gotta gauge if that guy is good enough for you.”

Yejoon merely laughs and shakes his head, “What are you going to do to him if he isn’t? You, in all your 5’6 glory?”

Donghyuck glares, “I’m trying to be a good friend.” He sits up straighter to make his shoulders appear broader, “Don’t call me up if the guy ever ends up being messy as shit and you can’t handle it. You can’t even take someone leaving their clothes unfolded, how are you gonna deal with a messy boyfriend? Huh? You can’t even hurt a fly! You’d be lucky to have my 5’6 ass fighting for you.”

Yejoon snorts, then winks. “There’s other ways to punish him, you know?”

He makes an obscene gesture with his hand which Donghyuck can’t help but pull a face at, losing his appetite all at once. “Gross, control your hormones.”

“Pot. Kettle. Black. Don’t pretend like I haven’t seen you check out M-” He cuts himself off at Donghyuck’s panicked look, “A certain trainee during our practices.” Yejoon waggles his eyebrows, mouthing the trainee’s name subtly in order to avoid attracting attention. 

Donghyuck tries to suppress his reaction at Yejoon’s correct observation but he just knows, his ears and cheeks have turned red, exposing his true feelings.“Shut up, I’m not that obvious.”

Yejoon gives him a sympathetic look then goes back to stirring his drink, “If it makes you feel better he was one of the few people to check up on me as soon as he heard the news? Even suggested we go to Canada because it’ll be ‘better’ there. He’s your best friend, I’m pretty sure even if you told him, he’ll be more than alright with it.”

Donghyuck smiles, sort of proud that he at least picked a semi-decent guy to have a crush on. At least now he knew he had a good judge of character. He takes another sip of his drink, choosing not to comment on the matter before gesturing for Yejoon to continue.

“Funnily enough, we are planning to move permanently abroad next year. My boyfriend and I, somewhere we can be free. Maybe, we will go to Canada? We’ll figure it out. He works in IT, luckily. So, we can move anywhere we want. But it would be ideal if I found a job as soon as possible too, right?”

Donghyuck grins, “You’re lucky you’re a pretty boy, don’t even have to try all that hard huh?”

Yejoon punches his shoulder one last time, and their conversation continues with a lighter note from there on.

 

///

 

After Yejoon’s scandal broke out, the rumour mill never seems to rest. With trainees suspecting each other, harsh words are thrown around. When something as simple as a glance is misconstrued, you immediately become a target.

Even though Donghyuck has not been subjected to any of this himself, the fact that his so-called friends could easily use it against him, has him keeping his head down and legitimately fearing for his life. The slurs constantly following him around in his head as soon as he even chances a look at the person he likes.

It affects his behaviour, causing him to be more withdrawn and contemplative until suddenly the idea of debuting doesn’t really sound all that appealing anymore. 

When his mom notices and confronts him about it, he couldn’t help but break down and tell her. The five seconds of silence that followed after he had come out was the scariest experience he had ever had, and he was nearly hyperventilating by the time his mom’s arms had come around him to hug him and tell him that she was proud. 

She’d told him to quit the company right then and there for his own well-being and at first Donghyuck had been reluctant, unsure of what to pursue after all the years he spent training for the career path he thought he was destined for. It’s not like he’s particularly skilled at anything else, besides singing and dancing. His grades had suffered after the neverending practices, so he knew he had no future in academics. 

Then, she’d brought up the idea of becoming a musical actor where people were arguably more accepting to the idea of a gay man succeeding at and Donghyuck had found his new dream. He left the company with the help of his mom and never looked back.

Not that he could anyway, one of the conditions for his contract termination was that he could no longer keep in contact with anyone in the company. As much as it hurt Donghyuck to leave the people he cared about, he knew that he wouldn’t last any longer in an environment like that, so he’d left.

He changed his phone number and along with his mom, moved to one of the more liberal cities in Korea, closer to his new school and a newer start.

 

///

 

Now, he’s currently enrolled at one of the more well-known art schools in the country, known for its intense training programs and for being extremely selective. His training experience came into clutch when he needed it and after several interviews and intense auditions, he managed to pass.

The school operated on a relatively convenient basis. 

Due to the low student population, it was not difficult to get the training you needed one on one. Classes could be scheduled instead of regularly attended, as long as you completed the required work and went to the minimum amount of classes required for the course and maintained your average. Many of the students already had a career outside of school, so the school never expected much out of their attendance.

It was flexible and all too advantageous for Donghyuck and his hobby… if you could even call it that.

Two years later and not only was Donghyuck relatively out to a few of his closest friends and flourishing, he’s also one of the more well-known fansites for SM’s newest boy group, NCT. Specifically, NCT’s main rapper and jack-of-all-trades member, Mark Lee. His former best friend whom he had left without even saying goodbye.

And at first it really did start out as a hobby. 

NCT happened to have a schedule near his school, and Donghyuck with the overpriced camera he’d saved up for, was wondering around with a mask covering half his face and a bright red hoodie disguising his dyed hair. The crowd had attracted him to see what was going on, but he had stayed the moment he got a chance to look at Mark.

Mark who had gotten taller and broader, whose cheekbones had gotten more and more defined, but had the same smile that had his heart thumping double-time. 

Donghyuck took a flurry of pictures before he even knew it.

Then he got home and he realized his memory card didn’t have enough space for all of the pictures he took of Mark Lee, and he ended up taking to Twitter to post it, where he’d gotten almost a thousand followers overnight. 

That’s how it all started.

Since then, Donghyuck has established some rules for himself as a fansite: never travel abroad for a schedule, no airport pictures and to always bring his mask and a cap whenever he planned to take a picture. It was tough since Donghyuck normally has a hard time trying to remember things, but he manages.

The risk is too big.

 

///

 

A year later Donghyuck is selling out his fan goods left and right, managing his finances well enough to upgrade some of his equipment and buy new trainers for his bi-weekly musical practice. He doesn’t get to go to Mark’s every schedule- he does have a life after all. But when he does, he makes sure to come well prepared.

Several months passed and eventually he’d gotten lazier.

There’s no way Mark would even remember someone he’d known years ago. Especially, someone who’s cut-off all contact like Donghyuck. So, he’d ditched the hat and mainly just stuck to the mask instead. He’s made a couple of friends with other fansite masters to know that they’d have his back anyway.

Donghyuck had even persuaded one of his friends from school to become one as well. 

Jaemin was one of the first few people that Donghyuck met at school and arguably, his closest friend. When he first heard about Donghyuck’s hobby, he’d called him creepy. But, he became curious enough to join him in one of his trips. He took one long look at Mark’s bandmates, Jeno and Renjun, and it was downhill from there.

 

///

 

It was rare for Donghyuck to go and take any pictures, let alone just go to any of NCT’s schedules without Jaemin but he’d manage to win a chance to go to a fansign and Jaemin hadn’t. 

As excited as he was, he wasn’t actually planning to go up until Jaemin shoved a copy Jeno and Renjun’s photocard in his face, “If you don’t want to go for yourself, go for me. Please. I will owe you forever.” he flutters his eyelashes obnoxiously, “I’ll put in a good word for you in the upcoming musical, get you those headphones you’ve been wanting to get, hell, I’ll even shine your shoes for you or something- just please, for the love of god, go.”

Which brought Donghyuck to where he currently was, sweating, waiting for his number to be called up, dressed in the most inconspicuous way possible in order to avoid bringing attention to himself with a mask covering half his face. He knew a lot of the NCT members from his previous experience as a trainee but again, Donghyuck doubts any of them would really remember him. 

So, he’d gotten brave and actually gone, thinking he could keep the mask on his face the entire time. Until one of the people facilitating it had motioned for him to pull it down. When he gets called up, Donghyuck is careful to keep his head down, pretending to make sure that all the sticky notes with the members’ names on it are on the appropriate pages.

Mark’s at the end of the table, so Donghyuck’s pretty much guaranteed to have his interaction with him to be rushed by the bodyguard and for that he’s thankful.

The first person up is Taeyong, who flashes him a wide smile, thanking him for coming while he signs his picture quickly, offering Donghyuck a brief high-five before he was ushered away. Then Yuta and Taeil, who more or less share the same approach. After them, came Doyoung who shot him a quick grin, before he tilts his head. “You look familiar, have I seen you before?”

Doyoung had been his senior while he was a trainee and while they shared a few vocal classes together, Donghyuck doubts that he actually recognized him from then. So he merely shrugs, he’d been trying to avoid speaking for the most part, nodding and pointing to the sticky notes to do the speaking for him. But he has a feeling that Doyoung wouldn’t let that slide and his hunch is proven right, when Doyoung merely raises an eyebrow at him.

Donghyuck gives him a shaky grin, “I run a fansite, so from there maybe? I don’t go to schedules that often though.”

Doyoung hums, narrowing his eyes slightly before directing his attention back to signing the album. “Makes sense, you kind of stand out - not in a bad way of course.”

Donghyuck nods instead of replying, moving to stand in front of Jeno who’s right next to him.

Jeno laughs when he hears Donghyuck’s story about Jaemin, nudging Renjun beside him to show him the sticky note full of hearts and praises. He signs the photocard with a lot of hearts and ‘thank you’s’ in return. Then, Donghyuck moves down the line again and Renjun smiles up at him, reading over the note intently, showing the same courtesy that Jeno did to the photocard and tells Donghyuck to tell Jaemin how thankful they are for his support.

The queue moved slower than he'd expected even though Donghyuck was among the last ones to be called up. By the time he reaches Mark, he’d managed to have a whole conversation with Renjun about Jaemin’s fansite for him and Jeno. 

When he slides his album in front of Mark, he keeps his head down, pointing to the sticky note next to Mark’s picture, asking him to address the signature to his fansite. Mark laughs, talking about how his fansite was one of his favourites and Donghyuck nods again and again, muttering ‘thank you’s’ under his breath. 

He can feel a blush rising up to his cheeks at the endless praises and prays for his turn to go faster. Then, Mark finally reaches out his hand to offer him a handshake indicating the end of his turn. Donghyuck looks up to meet his eyes in an unconscious force of habit, only to see Mark’s eyes widening, clearly recognizing him. “...Donghyuck?”

Donghyuck pulls his hand away quickly and rushes off the platform and back to his seat, feeling Mark’s insistent stare at his back. He only looks up when he knew another fan took up Mark’s field of vision and sighs heavily as he desperately counted down the minutes until the fansign ended. No cameras or any type of filming were allowed in the venue so Donghyuck can’t even look at his phone to occupy the time.

The queue ends and the members do the usual closing ment where they thank the fans for coming and Donghyuck’s already packed up his stuff, waiting for the members to leave, when Mark chimes in. “There were a couple of new faces today and I just want to say that I really want to meet you- everyone again.”

He recovers from his slip-up smoothly, but Donghyuck has a feeling it was never a slip of the tongue in the first place.

 

///

 

When Donghyuck gets home, it’s to see Jaemin eagerly talking to his mom about the latest musical production their school was putting on, at the dining table. His entrance was louder than he’d planned, so the moment he’d shut the door he knew that he’d probably have to entertain Jaemin’s whims. 

And it had only been a few seconds after he’d taken off his shoes, until Jaemin yells out. “Hurry up and sit down. Tell me everything.”

He greets his mom who gets up to start preparing dinner with a tired wave, before finally answering Jaemin’s barrage of questions about how it all went. Jaemin listens to it eagerly, proclaiming his love for Jeno and Renjun yet again before he asks him what happened with Mark. 

Donghyuck rubs a hand over his face, “He recognized me. I think I’ll have to shut the fansite down.” 

Jaemin knew all about his history as a trainee, not from Donghyuck himself but from his mom. They’d form a weird bond of sorts that grew out of their mutual want to protect Donghyuck from everything, to the point where Jaemin’s more likely to be informed about Donghyuck’s problems from his mom than Donghyuck himself.

“Are you sure? What happened to your mask? I thought you could keep it on, I’ve seen it happen a couple of times.” he reaches out to place his hand over Donghyuck in comfort. “You know I’ll support any decision you make, do what you think is best.”

Donghyuck bites his lip, “I don’t want to shut it down, but I don’t want to- I don’t. Now, that he knows it’s me. It’s weird, I don’t know.”

Jaemin nods, “Hey, you have time. Do other things for a month. Focus on other things, maybe he’ll forget about it.” 

Donghyuck waits two months, just to be safe. 

He posts a tweet about taking a hiatus for health problems and pretends like he hasn’t been scrolling down his twitter feed for constant updates. In the time that passed, other fan sites have been taking pictures of Mark and in the first month, many of those fantakens consisted of Mark obviously looking around for something or someone.

It had caught many of the fans’ attention and a couple of memes had sprung up about Mark ‘looking for a way out of his company’ and the same fantakens stopped. At that point, it probably would’ve been safe for Donghyuck to return to taking pictures but he’d waited another month just in case.

He focused his attention on finishing up more of his school work for his last year in high school, rehearsing his lines for productions he’d wanted to audition for, and practicing dance routines for the school musical that he was already a part of.

Then he takes it up again, catching some quick pictures of Mark on his way to a live performance music show and makes sure to bury himself amidst the crowd. He never lingers long enough to take pictures of their schedule ending, so it’s not surprising that he leaves as soon as NCT enters the building.

It’s this successful instance that made him want to attempt being risky again.

A week later, NCT has a schedule for an open fansign and Donghyuck manages to secure himself a comfortable spot near the front but within the crowd as well. He puts his camera in burst mode to capture Mark’s expressions as best as he can throughout most of the event and only shifts into taking a video towards the end when the queue of fans has ended.

The members start the usual banter and goodbye messages again, taking quick requests from the fans to show off their charms one-by-one when Mark stares directly at his lens to shoot him a sweet smile. 

Donghyuck’s heart stops.

There’s no way that Mark would recognize him behind his lens, so he takes a deep breath and resumes filming. It's probably just a coincidence.

He’d been slumping throughout the entire fansign to match the heights of the other fansite masters to remain hidden. Even made sure to pull a cap to cover his hair today, which he’s dyed down to a dark brown, so he feels pretty secure that he’s managed to stay inconspicuous. 

Mark looks away and begins looking around, until a fan asks him if he’s found what he’s been looking for. Then he directs his attention at Donghyuck’s camera again and winks. “Yeah, I met you guys today right?”

The fans scream at the gesture and Donghyuck quickly stops recording to pack up his stuff and leave the venue. He posts the pictures from the fansign that day, waiting an entire week to post the video of Mark clearly focusing on his camera with a goodbye message announcing his fansite closing and that’s that.

It gains ten thousand retweets and twice as many likes, hundreds of comments replying and asking him to come back but Donghyuck doesn’t. He changes his twitter’s profile picture and header from a picture of Mark to a solid black background and replaces his title with a mere dot.

 

///

 

A month passes by quicker than he expects until Jaemin’s shoving his phone in his face. “Look at the amount of likes this has, it’s Jeno lifting Renjun up like he’s literally nothing and they’re both clad in fuzzy sweaters but it only has six thousand? Yours only had Mark giving you heart eyes and you get double that? People clearly don’t appreciate beauty. Mark’s not even that hot-”

Donghyuck pushes the phone away from his face with a huff, “Shut up, I thought you came by for moral support? You’re not even supposed to be here, you weren’t even one of the writers involved in this musical.” he pauses to let Kibum apply some product on his lips, “Please, do me a favour and leave. Let Kibum do his job and finish up.”

They’re in their school’s dressing room, preparing for one of their school’s tri-monthly musicals. It’s opening night and the room is empty. Most students opted to walk their nerves off or rehearse their lines before the production. Normally, Donghyuck would’ve done the same but Jaemin had come to show his ‘support’ and he’d basically been threatened to stay to keep him entertained, so he’d stayed.

“Please, you act like I don’t go to most of your musicals and do the same thing every time.” Jaemin replies before he shifts his attention to the make-up artist glaring at him impatiently from the side, moving to take the empty seat beside Donghyuck. 

He waves an arm out in disbelief when Kibum takes only a few minutes to finish, dusting some sheer pink eyeshadow on Donghyuck’s eyelids and retouching his face powder. When Kibum leaves, he does so with a sneer directed Jaemin’s way, shaking his head. 

Jaemin makes a face, sticking his tongue as the only other person in the room exits. He waits a moment, probably to make sure that Kibum wasn’t within hearing distance, before he yells out. “He didn’t even do that much! What’d he even do? Add glitter in your nostrils or something?”

Donghyuck snorts, “The director didn’t want us to have a ‘dramatic’ makeup look, kept preaching about making sure it was natural. He barely even let us put lip tint and blush. Can you imagine how we’d look like on stage under those lights? We’d look dead.”

“Everyday, I’m thankful I chose to pursue play-writing, I’m telling you that now. If I were you, I would have-” Jaemin’s rant gets cut off when Kibum pops in again, calling out, “Donghyuck, someone’s here for you!”

Donghyuck gets up, surprised before he directs his attention back to Jaemin, “Did my mom say she was coming today? I thought she was working late, did you guys plan a surprise or something?”

Jaemin shakes his head, “No, she’s still working, I think. Why would I know your mom’s schedule better than you anyway? Do you really not know who it’d be?”

“I’m just as confused as you are,” Donghyuck shrugs. 

There’s a brief knock before the unknown person steps into the dressing room, a black mask and a dark cap covering his face, clearly mismatched from the rest of his outfit: A long-sleeved white dress-shirt, folded up to his elbows, framing his broad shoulders, tucked into a pair of fitted, pinstriped, formal pants. 

Whoever he is, he’s way too overdressed for a school musical. 

He’s holding bouquet of white flowers in his hand that he gently offers to Donghyuck who takes it with a blush. Jaemin lets out a low whistle that manages to fluster Donghyuck even more before he finally manages a quiet ‘thanks’ in return. The stranger looks vaguely familiar but Donghyuck can’t quite recognize who he is, until he speaks. “Hi Donghyuck,”

It’s Mark.

Donghyuck looks towards Jaemin, who raises his eyebrows right back at him, clearly recognizing who the stranger was and promptly sidling out of the dressing room but not before locking the door behind him. 

He wants to call out and yell at him to come back but then Mark takes off his mask and his cap, smiling sheepishly at Donghyuck. “Sorry, did I interrupt something?

Mark runs a hand through his hair, pushing it back to get some semblance of style back in his hair. It doesn’t even do much really, just changed the direction of his hairstyle but the action still has Donghyuck flushing. 

Donghyuck shakes his head, “Hi- and uh, no offense but what are you doing here? How did you even know about this musical, shouldn’t you be off practicing or something?”

Mark laughs, “No offense taken, I-” he reaches up to scratch the back of his neck. “I looked your name up? And this article sprung up, talked about your achievements as a young musical actor and- it said you were going to this school and that you had an upcoming musical so-”

He shrugs, grinning. “I took the chance.” 

Mark looks abashed about his confession but he’s managing to stand his ground and Donghyuck can’t help the laugh that bursts out in response and the slightly cheeky tone his voice takes up when he replies. “A chance on what?”

“To embarrass myself clearly,” Mark rolls his eyes, smiling. Then he reaches a hand out, gripping Donghyuck’s right shoulder slightly. “I-is this okay? I mean, just visiting you out of the blue, is it okay? I know, we haven't seen each other in a while so if I'm overstepping some boundaries just-” he finishes with an awkward hand motion, before he smiles sheepishly and let's his hand drop.

Donghyuck nods, finding himself at a loss for words. He can feel the blush on his face progressively getting worse and worse. Never in his life, would he have thought that Mark would ever do this and his reaction clearly shows it. “D-do you want to talk? Maybe not right now, because the show’s about to start, but later maybe? After the show? If that’s okay, of course! I know you’re a lot busier than me, so I’m not going to- you don’t have to say yes. I just want you to know that I-”

Mark holds a hands up, his shoulders shaking in laughter. “Hey hey, breathe. Of course, I’ll wait for you after the show okay? Just tell me where to meet you and I’ll be there. I’ll also be sitting in the crowd.”

Donghyuck nods, feeling thankful that Mark decided to cut his rant off-short. “Of course, yeah! Come here after, I’ll make sure Jaemin lets you in. It might take awhile because I’m probably going to be caught up in a couple of conversations afterwards but it should be okay.”

Mark grins, “I’’m looking forward to it.”

For a moment, Donghyuck’s reminded of the boy he’d spent countless nights rehearsing until the dawn with. The same boy, who he’d bothered relentlessly until he’d given him the time of day and offered Donghyuck his friendship. Mark, who’d been his best friend and his first love. 

Donghyuck opens his mouth, probably to say something awkwardly sappy like ‘I miss you’ or something but Kibum pops his head back in again, calling for Donghyuck to get ready and that’s that.

 

///

 

For the first time, in a long time, Donghyuck was nervous for a musical. 

His part in the musical’s production wasn’t the biggest role he’d ever gotten but it wasn’t dismissable either. Although he wasn’t the lead, he did get enough lines as well as time on the stage to make him, at the very least, a critical side-character to the musical. 

He has plenty of experience playing roles like these. It’s very rare that he’d even feel nervous in small musicals like the ones for his school, but the mere knowledge that Mark is out there watching him, has Donghyuck wiping his hands nervously against his costume. 

The moment he steps out on stage, Donghyuck resists the urge to search for Mark, looking right at the projection room across the auditorium instead. His lines flow out of his mouth, mindlessly, a result of the endless rehearsals for his musical. The songs weren’t the most demanding for his character but there are a couple of notes that needed more effort than others.

Despite his worries, he fares better than he’d initially thought and before he knew it, he’s performing the ending number and the musical was done. He bypasses a couple of the idle conversation attempts made by his fellow cast-mates and high-tails it back to the dressing room, where he finds Jaemin standing outside with a smug grin. 

“You have five minutes until the rest of the cast comes running back to the dressing room to change. If I were you, I’d relocate to your house.” he winks, congratulating Donghyuck for a job well done and a knowing smirk.

Donghyuck shoves him aside before whisper-yelling at him to get out. And not a moment too soon because the dressing room opens a second later with Mark dressed up in his disguise, obviously grinning even behind his mask.

He raises his eyebrows at Donghyuck before tilting his head to the direction of the dressing room, “Am I allowed to be in there without anyone from the cast? It feels a bit wrong.” 

Donghyuck rolls his eyes, “Don’t worry, there’s nothing in there worth stealing, except for theatre makeup. Nobody particularly cares about who goes in there, they all have their own lockers and no one would be dumb enough to leave their valuables in there unattended.” he nudges his side playfully, “Do you need the money? Are they not feeding you enough at the agency? Just let me know and I’ll have my friends trend it. Nothing too bad, I’m not friends with the bad sort, you’ve got to know that, I-”

He opens his mouth to start talking about another the dangers of fan culture when Mark lets out a laugh. Donghyuck abruptly shuts his mouth, feeling embarrassed that he was caught rambling again. 

Mark isn’t really aware of how deep the whole ‘Donghyuck being a fan’ thing runs and he probably isn’t the same person he was years ago. It’s probably coming across as borderline weird to him that Donghyuck’s even a part of all this, given how he’d practically annoyed Mark into befriending him, years ago. 

Who knows how he’d even react to Donghyuck running his mouth, the same way he used to before. 

“Sorry you probably don’t give a shit about any of these things,” he steps into the dressing room, rushing to change into his casual clothing. “The rest of the cast should be here in around five minutes, so I’ll try to hurry, do you mind if we relocate to another place? It doesn’t have to be my place, wherever you want or-”

Mark reaches out to brush against one of his hands softly, “Hey, it’s no rush. This disguise is pretty secure, I’m good with anything.” 

There’s a pause and even with the t-shirt, that Donghyuck is currently changing out of, blocking his face, he just knows that Mark is frowning. “I’m always interested in what you have to say Hyuck, a couple of years apart doesn’t change that. You mean a lot to me even when you’d left and I debuted, you were- are a big part of my life.”

Donghyuck blushes, suddenly thankful for the shirt that continues to block his face. He nods, muttering ‘you are too’. And even though Mark can’t see his expression, he clearly hears what Donghyuck was trying to say, laughing. “Do you need help getting out of your shirt, Hyuck?”

Donghyuck coughs, quickly hauling the shirt over his head to direct an incredulous look at Mark who just realizes the double entendre behind what he’s said, wincing. “That’s not what I meant, you know that.” he smiles, when Donghyuck starts laughing again. “Just change out of your pants and put on a shirt already, I’ll turn around.”

“If you wanted me out of my clothes that badly, you should have just said it.” Donghyuck winks, making a motion to pull down his pants. Mark rushes to turn around, his ears flushing. “Jeez, give a guy some warning, Hyuck?”

Donghyuck changes out of his pants, pulling on a quick pair of joggers. “That’s no fun though. You can turn around now, Mark. It’s safe!” 

Mark twists around on his spot, eyes still closed. “You sure?”

“Yes yes,” Donghyuck replies, pulling his shirt up a little to make it seem like he’s about to change again, just as Mark opens his eyes and panics yet again, holding up his arm to cover his eyes. “Donghyuck!”

Donghyuck snickers, “You’re still so fun to tease,”

“Shut up, let’s head back to your place already.” Mark replies, pulling his arm down slowly. “Text your mom first.”

“She’s got the night shift tonight, so it’ll be just you and me. Don’t take advantage of that, okay?” Donghyuck shoots him another wink, fully expecting Mark to be flustered, only to see him smirking. “Isn’t that what you’re hoping for, though?”

Donghyuck froze, his cheeks heating up. His heart practically stuttering out of his chest, as he replies. “Shut up,” Mark laughs yet again, wrapping his arm around Donghyuck’s shoulder. “All you had to do was ask, Hyuck.”

 

///

 

“Wait, so you’re telling me that all this time, I thought that one trainee took my hoodie but you did? And for what? It wasn’t even that good of a hoodie, it was old as fuck.” Mark smacks a hand on the dining table, laughing. “Was it another one of your attempts to befriend me again? You really didn’t have to do all that, all you had to say was ‘hi’ and I probably would’ve considered us friends.”

Honestly, that would’ve been the normal way of going about it. But thirteen-year-old Donghyuck, was clearly anything but normal in his attempts to make Mark Lee his friend. Donghyuck frowns, “I wanted to be memorable. You can’t honestly say you’ve met anyone like me before.”

“But you were already memorable? I’ve never met anyone with a voice like yours at your age, you already stood out to me.” Mark grins, holding his hand across the table. “Believe in yourself a little more, Hyuck. You were amazing today.”

Donghyuck scoffs, refusing to look up into Mark’s eyes. Without other people or the possibility of anyone else coming in to act as a buffer anytime soon, everything suddenly feels a lot more intimate. Even if Mark is just complimenting him for the sake of being polite, Donghyuck can’t help but think it might mean something more.

He rolls his eyes, “Thanks, you didn’t have to say that but thank you.”

Mark furrows his eyebrows, opens his mouth to say something, but seems to think better of it and just shakes his head. “You really do shine on stage, you know?” he shifts his grip, for their fingers to intertwine. “I always knew you would,”

It’s getting really hard for Donghyuck to think their interactions so far are merely platonic when Mark says and does things like that, so he just opts to change the topic as subtly as he can. “Enough talk about me, you’re the literal singer here. How is it? Is it as great as you thought it’d be?”

Mark shrugs, leaning back on his chair. “It’s nice, I really like the songwriting aspect of it and interacting with fans. But, performing in those music shows is pretty cool, too? Sure, I don’t get that much time to do as many things that doesn’t relate back to this job, but I don’t know, it all seems to worth it to me.”

Donghyuck snorts, “So, it is pretty much living up to how you thought it’d be huh? The company prepared you for all of it, even back then?”

He shrugs again, “I mean, before, I kind of pictured that I’d be doing all these things with you. We always talked about it when we were both rehearsing late into the night, you always ranted about how you’d get way more fans than I did and it was fun.” 

Donghyuck groans, “Jesus, I was such an annoying kid. How the hell did you have the patience to deal with me.” 

Mark merely laughed, squeezing Donghyuck’s hand. “You were cute, it was easy to overlook all the annoying things you did when you were as cute as you were.”

Donghyuck snorts, making a move to pull his hand out of Mark’s grip as if he were about to throw a fit, only for the grip around his hand to tighten. Mark smiles, rubbing his thumb back and forth over the back of Donghyuck’s hand, “I’m not joking, I mean I sort of was. You weren't just cute then, you’re still cute now.”

He grins, when Donghyuck blushes, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

“When did you get this charming, huh? Did they teach you this at the agency too? I don’t remember you being like this when we were younger.” Donghyuck coughs, pointedly looking down at their intertwined hands, “Because if they did teach you this, I’m pretty sure a lot of fans would be upset.”

There’s a pause, then there’s Mark stuttering his way through what Donghyuck is pretty sure is meant to be an explanation, “I mean, uh, I don’t know. I do this a lot now, uh, apparently. Ask my bandmates, I didn’t even notice. Should I, um, should I let go? Are you uncomfortable?”

He makes a move to pull away, only to be held back by Donghyuck this time. “I’m not uncomfortable, I just thought you would... be you know? Like you were before or maybe more... cautious? I mean, you didn’t forget that I was a fansite of yours right?”

Mark raises his eyebrows, “What about it?”

Donghyuck raises his eyebrows back, holding up their hands. “What would you do if I went back on Twitter and posted about this? This is dangerous.”

“You said it yourself, you weren’t one of those fansites. I know, you weren’t. Even before I really found out who you were, I knew of your fansite. You only went to those official events for festivals or on the way to televised music shows. No airport pictures and rarely, any open fansigns. That’s why it took me so long to recognize you, because I never had the opportunity to. That’s why you were my favourite.” Mark waggles his eyebrows, “Although, finding out that it was you - was a really good bonus. I’m not gonna let you live this down anytime soon. I bet your room’s filled with my merch.”

His room, was not filled with Mark-themed merchandise. 

But, his closet was. 

Donghyuck scoffs, “The amount of blackmail material I have on you as a sixteen-year old is frightening. You better watch your mouth, Mark Lee or else.”

“That threat never really worked, y’know? I always just pretended that it worked to let you have your way. Did you really think you were frightening as a chubby-cheeked baby?” Mark leans across the table to pinch his cheek briefly, “And it still doesn’t with you as an eighteen-year old.”

Donghyuck slaps his hand away and pretends for all that’s worth, that he didn’t like it at all. 

When they had been younger, Mark wasn’t really affectionate at all. So, the casual skinship from him, isn’t what Donghyuck was really used to but that doesn’t mean it’s unwelcomed. Even if it had Donghyuck’s heart fluttering like it had no right to, given its non-romantic nature, he still very much appreciated it. 

And he had a feeling Mark knew because his hand came back, to pat Donghyuck’s cheek with a smug grin, “It’s been a long time, Donghyuck.”

This time, Donghyuck lets himself lean into the touch for a second before he smacks it away again. He opens his mouth, desperately searching for another topic to bring up when a phone rings.

Mark winces, pulling out his phone and holding it up to his ears. There’s the vague sound of someone yelling through the phone, that has Donghyuck desperately redirecting his attention to the wall clock that indicates 2 A.M.

They’ve been talking for four hours. 

It probably would’ve gone on longer too, if Mark didn’t get that call from who Donghyuck presumes to be his manager. He makes a move to separate their still tangled hands, but Mark maintains his grip. Donghyuck looks up to see Mark mouth ‘don’t worry’ as he absentmindedly nods to his manager’s continued yelling.

This goes on for about ten minutes, until the call finally ends and Mark heaves a heavy sigh. “I’m sorry, that was my manager. He’ll be picking me up in about half an hour, is that okay? I’m sure you want to go to sleep, sorry if I’m keeping you up.”

Donghyuck shakes his head, “It’s okay, I was going to end up staying up this late anyway. I’m sorry, you got in trouble with him. Is there anything that I can do?”

Mark snorts, “He was going to be mad either way, I didn’t really tell him about this little adventure.” he holds a hand up to wave away another round of Donghyuck’s apologies. “I knew what was going to happen, don’t worry I’ll handle it. But if you’re offering, there is one thing you can do for me.”

Donghyuck nods, motioning for him to go on. Mark’s lips tilt up into a hesitant smile, “Give me your number?”

He does and they continue to make idle conversation up until Mark’s phone rings again, and Mark hangs up without even looking, rolling his eyes. “Guess that’s my cue to leave. I’ll text you, okay?”

 

///

 

A day later, Donghyuck is convinced that what happened during the night before was all a fever-dream until he wakes up to several messages from an unknown number. He’s tempted to turn it off just to stop the constant vibration from his phone, but he accidentally unlocks it instead.

**6:43 A.M.**

From: Unknown

hey, I had a great time yesterday, we should do it again! :)

**9:37 A.M.**

From: Unknown

this is mark btw.

**9:39 A.M.**

From: Unknown

here’s a picture just to prove it.

Attached to the message is a photo of Mark with stage makeup and styled hair, holding up the usual V-sign next to his face. Donghyuck considers sending a picture of his face back but figures it’s better not to scar Mark so early in the morning, so he settles for taking a quick snap of his hand doing a thumbs up against the bare walls of his room. 

**10:03 A.M.**

From: Donghyuck

if u hadn’t sent that picture, i would’ve blocked ur #. good call.

Donghyuck’s in the middle of brushing his teeth when his phone vibrates with a message again. He tries to ignore it and finish the task at hand but he really only manages to last ten seconds, before he gives in to temptation, entering his password to look at the again.

**10:11 A.M.**

From: Mark

It’s a good thing i did then haha, can i call you?

Donghyuck types in a quick reply saying ‘yes’ and rushes through the rest of his routine, just in time for Mark’s call to come in. He pats his hair down, suddenly self-conscious. It’s very unlikely that Mark would try to video call him but precautions must be made. He even considers changing out of his pajamas into something nicer but the call comes and he really isn’t left with a choice.

He answers almost immediately, which would be something he’d be embarrassed about if it was any of his other friends but it isn’t. Donghyuck doesn’t really think Mark would call back if he let the call ring more than twice. 

He is a lot busier than Donghyuck after all. 

Before Donghyuck even gets the chance to pull it up to his ear, a loud yell filters throughout the phone along with a flurry of conversation. Then Mark finally seems to grab a hold of his phone because a flustered apology and morning greeting comes soon after. But, he puts the phone on speaker just in case the noise level gets higher than normal again.

Donghyuck smiles, “Hey, should I just call back?”

“No! Just ignore them, they’re being annoying. Did I wake you up?” 

He did, but he wasn’t going to tell Mark that. “You didn’t, do you really think I won’t be awake by this time?” 

“I mean, nah not really. At least, I know I wouldn’t be...especially if I had nothing that needs to be done that day. I thought you wouldn’t read my message until one or something.” A loud voice yells something unintelligible in the background that has Mark groaning, “Seriously ignore him, Jeno’s just being annoying.”

“It’s not like I heard what he said anyway. Everything’s all muffled. Do you guys have a schedule, by the way?” Donghyuck replies, heading downstairs to have some breakfast, careful not to make too much noise in order to avoid waking his mother up. He considers making something instead of just having plain old cereal but rethinks it again when he manages to pour the milk before the actual cereal in the bowl as Mark absentmindedly talks about a festival they had to record the VCR for. 

Too distracted to even prepare cereal properly, Donghyuck’s reached a new low.

“Are you coming?” Mark says, “To the festival, I mean.” 

Donghyuck snorts, “Nope,” 

Trying to get tickets to any music festivals with a line-up of well-known idols was hell and expensive. Ever since Donghyuck decided to stop going, he’d saved so much of the money he’d been making from the small productions he’d been participating in that he actually got to spend it elsewhere. Things more important like food and trying to get more copies of the same album, so he’d get Mark’s photocard without needlessly trading with other fans.

Without the extra money he’d been making, out of selling the merchandise of the pictures he’d taken of Mark, Donghyuck found himself less and less willing to actually go to any of them. The crowd’s awful, drinks are sloshing everywhere and he always manages to get at least ten bruises from all the pushing and shoving. 

“Do you know how awful music festivals are, Mark? Especially while you’re lugging around a huge-ass camera? I mean, I don't do it anymore, but never again.” Donghyuck complains, shoving a spoonful of cereal in his mouth. “I went to those music festivals to take pictures of your face and support the band, Mark Lee, not out of enjoyment.”

Mark chuckles, “You like my face that much, huh?” 

There’s a quiet ‘whoop’ in the background that makes Donghyuck want to bury himself alive but he opts to change the subject and pretend like it was never brought up in the first place. “Did you dress up warmly today? I heard it was gonna be cold today.”

“It’s alright, this isn’t even half as cold as it was in Canada.”

Donghyuck rolls his eyes, finishing up his cereal before replying. “You literally haven’t even been there for five years. Global warming has changed it by now.” 

Mark makes a sound of dissent, “Hey, I believe in the Canadians. Maybe they made better choices-” 

“Pfft, you’ve got to stop believing in people so much Mark. The majority of them just end up disappointing you in the end.” Donghyuck replies, coming across as a lot more emotional than he’d ended up hoping for. He tries changing the subject again but Mark beats him to it.

“Sometimes that ends up being the case and I normally don't. But, it really depends on the person don’t you think? You’ve never disappointed me.” Mark responds, sincerely. 

Donghyuck flinches, suddenly feeling guilty. He knows Mark’s words are as heartfelt as it can be but Donghyuck can’t help but think that he really isn’t deserving of it. Especially after what he’s done. “I know, we… Um, we didn’t really get to talk much about what really happened back then. I’m sorry, but I uh- I don't think I’m ready to talk about it yet. I’m sorry.”

Donghyuck had been too afraid to disrupt a reality that seemed too good to be true. 

He didn’t want to bring down the mood for something he wasn’t even sure was ever going to happen again. There never seemed to be a good time. The things they brought up the night before were too lighthearted and too reminiscent of how it used to be. Donghyuck had been afraid that if Mark had heard the reason why, he’d pull away just as quickly as he seemed to appear.

There’s a pause and some shuffling in the background. The noise that previously seemed to dominate the call fades until all Donghyuck can hear is Mark’s voice, speaking lowly. Close enough to the receiver that it felt as if Mark was right there, with Donghyuck. “I don’t want you to talk about something you don’t want to talk about, okay? I’m not going to force you. If you want to talk about it, I’ll gladly listen to it. But if you prefer to just forget about it and move on, we can do that too. Whatever you want, I’ll be here. I just want you to be in my life again, okay?” 

Even though Mark couldn’t see it, Donghyuck nods, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Okay.”

 

///

 

“When I said ‘Donghyuck, go to the fansign’ and ‘Donghyuck, take your conversation somewhere else.’ I was really saying, Donghyuck get your head out of your ass and start inviting Mark to actually hang out instead of texting him the entire time we hang out.” Jaemin says, crossing his arms, sharply looking at the phone in Donghyuck’s hands.

Donghyuck waves him away, quickly sending a text back to Mark before making a face at Jaemin. “You’re also the one who said, ‘Donghyuck, stop being a piece of shit and just text the poor boy back. Your phone’s practically vibrating off the table.’ I’m just doing what you told me to.”

It had only been four months since they started talking. Donghyuck had been too hesitant to ask Mark to come over or hang out again, so he’s settled for responding to Mark’s texts whenever he can. Their topics haven’t been stilted so far but it’s only a matter of time before it dies down and while it still hasn’t, Donghyuck’s been trying to take advantage of it.

But Jaemin’s right, so he hesitantly puts his phone down to chew moodily on his sandwich. Jaemin grins, raising his eyebrows mockingly. It looks ten times more obnoxious now that Donghyuck’s not distracted by his phone. 

His phone lights up with another message notification from Mark that he woefully ignores.

They’re nearing the end of their winter break so Jaemin’s been trying to convince him to do as much as they possibly can with the time they had. Donghyuck had been cancelling in favour of just staying home and sleeping. It really only lasted up until Jaemin physically showed up to his house and threatened to drag him out to visit the cafe they’re currently in. 

“If I didn’t know about your whole history with Mark, I’d be warning you that he’s taking advantage of you as his fan right now. But, I do.” Jaemin rolls his eyes, placing his chin on his hand. “You’re sure he’s not taking advantage of you right? No unreasonable favours? He hasn’t been asking you for absurd amounts of money right?”

Donghyuck shakes his head, “None of that. We mostly just talk about the things we’re doing while we’re texting. Sometimes he sends me a couple of outdated slang or pictures then I mock him for it. Normal conversation, you know?”

Jaemin cocks his head to the side, “Pretty sure, I saw a couple of heart emojis in your latest message though-” 

Donghyuck stares, replying in an almost deadpan manner. “He had no idea heart emojis came in different colours. He’s only been using that one standard one. That’s how out of touch he is, it’s actually pretty sad.”

“You can’t honestly think someone like Mark is that dumb right? I mean, sure he’s got an android but if he’s sent you at least one heart emoji then he’d know there’s different ones. They’re right next to it!” Jaemin gapes when Donghyuck nods his head in response, “I’m serious, Donghyuck! You can’t be that oblivious. He just wanted you to send those emojis.”

Donghyuck scoffs, “It’s not that deep, Jaemin. Mark’s not even gay. Let alone that good at flirting. You should’ve seen him when he was younger, his ears were a dead giveaway.”

Jaemin shakes his head in disbelief, “Unbelievable, you’re really going with that excuse? Donghyuck, people change and that includes Mark. You can’t honestly think he’s still that innocent, right?”

“Of course, he’s changed! I know that! Just because he’s more outgoing and affectionate, doesn’t mean he’s developed an entirely new personality! I just don’t think that his manners changed that much in three years.” Donghyuck snaps, insulted. He’s well aware of the fact that Mark has changed. But, whatever Jaemin’s suggesting is just so far out of the realm of possibility that Donghyuck’s shocked he even brought it up.

Jaemin clicks his tongue, refusing to back down. “He wouldn’t make the first move.”

“What do you mean he wouldn’t make the first move?” Donghyuck replies. 

“You were his fan. He’s probably well-aware that when it comes down to it, if you had been any other person, it would be like taking advantage of you.” Jaemin says pointedly, before he directs his attention to Donghyuck’s phone which has started vibrating again.

Donghyuck chances a glance towards it, to see Mark’s name lighting up the screen with a message containing a bunch of different coloured hearts and an invitation to hang out at his dorm. Jaemin pointedly stares at it and directs an incredulous stare at Donghyuck before sighing.

He shrugs, his entire body slumping in defeat. “Whatever Hyuck, believe what you will.”

 

///

 

Donghyuck had accepted Mark’s invitation to come over to their dorm, thinking that it’d just be the two of them. With maybe one or two other members who would keep to themselves. People don’t normally stay to entertain their friend’s guest right? That had been his train of thought when he said ‘yes’. 

He should’ve gotten a clue the moment Renjun opened the door with a suspicious looking smile that they wouldn’t be alone. When Taeyong offered him something to eat that something was up. Lastly, he should’ve hightailed it out of there when Yuta sent him a wink and sat down next to him before launching a series of questions that had made Donghyuck so uncomfortable, he’d actually squirmed.

He should’ve at least known that his expectations were nothing like what the actual reality was going to be. 

“What are your intentions with-” Yuta’s next question, was interrupted by Jeno who squeezes himself in-between them, pointedly glaring at Yuta, until he’d left with a dramatic huff. Jeno grins, before he turns back to Donghyuck, “Mark’s in the shower right now, but I figured you need some saving from all that.”

Donghyuck nods, grateful. “Yeah, thank you so much. Sorry, just wasn’t used to it yet. I’m still a little bit shocked that Mark even trusted me enough, to invite me over. This must be incredibly weird for you guys, knowing a fan is in your house.”

Jeno shrugs, leaning back comfortably against the couch. “He told us he’d known you for a long time and we generally trust his sense of judgement on everything but food so, it wasn’t that awkward.” 

Donghyuck hums, desperately looking around to avoid even more conversation. It’s generally relatively easy for him to initiate conversation with people in general, so he thought he’d fare well for at least a little bit. But, he didn’t consider how much harder it’d be to talk to the same people he’d been starstrucked over not even five months ago. 

Jeno, at least, is willing to give him a minute to collect his thoughts before he starts up another thread of conversation. “You were at that one fansign right? You said, your friend had a fansite for Renjun and I?’

“Yeah, I’m shocked you even remember me back then, I basically booked it as soon as the fan sign was over.” Donghyuck laughs, but pulls out his phone to search for Jaemin’s account on Twitter. “If you’re curious about it, it’s this one, Month Apart.”

Jeno takes his phone, scrolling through the pictures and videos slowly with a slight smile to his face. He pulls up a picture of him and Renjun where they’d been looking at the camera and waving. “I know who this is, he’s your friend? He’s kind of sticks out, a little too good-looking, to really blend in, y’know what I mean?” 

Donghyuck nods, a little too aware of what he means. Jaemin, would have had a future in acting if he’d been interested in it. He’d actually received a couple of casting calls, based on his headshots alone, but he never took them out of literally no interest. His one and only calling, he’d proclaimed once, was screenwriting and directing, and Donghyuck can honestly say that he hadn’t been lying. 

He laughs, swiping until he finds one of Jaemin’s headshots to show Jeno. “I do. By the way, do you mind if I tell him that? I think it’ll make his entire year.”

Jeno laughs, shaking his head. “Nah, feel free. Actually, here, give me your number. I’ll take a picture of Renjun and I for him and send it to you.” 

They trade numbers right before he gets up, opening one of the doors to find Renjun, only to stumble upon Mark, on his way out and still busy towelling his head dry. Mark, who smiles, as soon as he sees Donghyuck, “Hyuck! Sorry, did you have to wait long?”

“No, um... Yuta and Jeno kept me company.” Donghyuck smiles, trying to give off the impression that it really hadn’t been that bad. Mark frowns, taking the seat that Jeno vacated, right beside him, moving closer until their thighs are pressed against each other’s.

He lets his hand settle on Donghyuck’s knee, caressing it lightly. “Are you sure? If you’re uncomfortable, we can go somewhere else.”

Donghyuck shakes his head, trying to focus his attention at literally anything else besides Mark’s hand on his knee. “No, um. This is good, I don’t want you to get recognized or anything.”

Mark smiles, bashfully shaking his head. “I think you’re overestimating my fame. I’m not that special.”

“I think you’re underestimating yourself. You’re talented, you’re down-to-earth and you’re so sweet and so nice. I could go on - do you even know what kind of hell I had to go through to get any of your personal merch?” Donghyuck shifts to face Mark directly, dislodging Mark’s grip on his knee. He lays his hand over Mark’s, “You’re amazing, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

Mark flushes, briefly holding Donghyuck’s hand tighter before he clears his throat. “Thank you, I uh, didn’t think of it that way. ”

Donghyuck settles down, the tension in his shoulders disappearing as he grins. “Well, you should.” He looks down at Mark’s hand that’s still intertwined with his, blushing. It had been a spur of the moment thing to grab his hand really, but Donghyuck had been feeling protective and so far, Mark hasn’t let go either, so he probably doesn’t mind. 

When he feels the heat in his cheeks subside, Donghyuck finally looks back up to see Mark smiling at him fondly, “So, you do have my merch huh?”

Donghyuck scowls, shoving Mark’s shoulder. “Shut up, so what if I do?”

Mark shrugs excessively, shooting Donghyuck a smug look as he lets go of Donghyuck’s hand in favour of wrapping an arm around his shoulders to pull him closer. “I remember you saying that you didn’t when I asked. Were you lying then?”

“Stop being annoying about it, I’m gonna throw them in the trash as soon as I get home.” Donghyuck replies, glowering when Mark just winks back, clearly not believing him. “I swear, I’ll do it.”

“Sure, you are.” Mark shakes his head, before perking up suddenly. “Hey, do you have merchandise for the musicals that you star in? You do, right? The headshots from the roles that you have?”

Donghyuck shrugs, “If that counts, then yeah I’ve had tons.” when Mark perks up, he smirks, taking pleasure in dashing his hopes when by saying. “Unless, you can go back in time, you can’t really get the old and really embarrassing ones though. My most recent ones aren't that bad, I've found my best angles since then.”

Mark groans, “They can’t be _that_ embarrassing. I’ll just start collecting them now, it’s okay if I don’t really get them, right?” 

Donghyuck simpers, looking pleased. “There was a school musical, where the traditionally masculine and feminine roles were exchanged. I was wearing this red dress with white polka dots, I’m really glad you can’t see that one.” he tilts his head, “My hair was even up in obnoxious pigtails, I actually looked really really pretty. The one thing that ruined it were these obnoxious looking eyelashes that came with it.”

“Fuck,” Mark laughs, tilting his head back as if he couldn't contain it. Donghyuck allows himself to appreciate the frankly, very nice sight of Mark’s prominent jawline before he laughs along with him.

“Too bad, you don’t know someone who’s known me for that long huh?” Donghyuck comments, absentmindedly.

Mark stops laughing, then his eyes widen in recognition, “Jaemin!”

“What about Jaemin?” 

“Jaemin has pictures of you from that musical, right?” Mark says, excited. “He must’ve, he’s known you for so long.”

“You are not going to contact, Jaemin.” Donghyuck adds, “No way, in hell.”

Mark nods, “But if he technically contacts me, I can’t do much about it right?”

“How is he going to contact you if I don’t let him?” Donghyuck retorts, crossing his arms.

Turns out, Donghyuck’s warning came a little too late because Jaemin’s already installed his number on Mark’s phone, a couple of months ago during Donghyuck’s musical. That’s what Mark is saying anyway, as he waves his Jaemin’s contact number back and forth in front of Donghyuck. 

Donghyuck’s really too dumbfounded to say anything. Even as Mark is entering a clumsy message with one hand, asking Jaemin for scans of Donghyuck’s previous headshots for his musical, all Donghyuck does is stare, until it finally sinks in and he rushes to knock Mark’s phone off of his hand. 

Mark relinquishes his hold around Donghyuck’s shoulder, as he pulls his arm away, typing even faster than before with Donghyuck desperately trying to reach over him for his phone. There’s an obnoxious sending noise, before Mark lets a loud yell. “Yes!”

Donghyuck moves back, leaning against the back of the couch, pouting. “You suck.” he raises his chin when Mark shoots him an amused glance, “Jaemin’s not going to send you these things anyway.” he says petulantly. 

Mark pinches his cheek, “C’mon, don’t pout. Wanna watch a movie? We’ve got a shit ton of rom-coms, if you still like them?”

Donghyuck scoffs, crossing his arms. “If I still like them? Like I’d like anything else. Put on 13 Going on 30.” 

“Alright, make yourself comfortable.” Mark gives him a mock-salute before quickly darting to the cabinet where they held their dvds. He pulls out a white bag, upending the contents onto the floor. They’re all blu-ray copies, still wrapped in plastic. Mark sorts through them briefly, before he finally finds the requested movie, ripping through the plastic before he sticks it into their player. 

“You guys don’t watch rom-coms often, do you?” Donghyuck comments, grabbing the cushion closest to him to hold, as Mark navigates the menu with a remote. “All those copies seemed like they were bought just yesterday,”

Mark freezes, remote still in his hands. He shrugs, running a hand through his hair, pressing play. “They just don’t appreciate it.” he shuffles around the apartment, to turn off the lights and grab some snacks before settling in beside Donghyuck, throwing an arm around his shoulders.

Donghyuck leans back against Mark’s hold, “Are you sure they won’t mind that we just took over the living room?”

Mark snorts, muttering. “They weren’t even supposed to be here.”

 

///

 

After that, their hangouts become more of a regular occurance over the next couple of months. They’re both busy, so coming over to each other’s places doesn’t happen very often. But they do manage to video call each other at least once a week.

Jaemin ends up sending Mark, all the cast photos Donghyuck has ever had in all of his musicals and Mark’s taken to sending some as reaction pictures. Sometimes, even setting a few as his background picture just to rub it in Donghyuck’s face. 

The one where Donghyuck wore the red dress lasted particularly long, until Donghyuck practically begged him to change it. 

Mark has a lot of overseas schedules, so usually they hang out at odd times. They’re both in different time zones, so they usually meet somewhere in the middle of what would be a reasonable time and go on from there.

That’s how it usually is anyway, but for some reason Mark insisted on calling Donghyuck at 4am, his time on a Sunday. There wasn’t a lot of notice before he did either, just sent off a quick message to Donghyuck, before he called not even ten minutes later. 

It had only been 4pm the following day for Donghyuck, so he quickly accepted but it’s still out of the blue for Mark to just call him like this. Donghyuck was in the middle of literally doing nothing, so he just pulled his laptop onto his lap, making himself comfortable on his bed as he answered Mark’s call.

It’s very obvious that Mark’s feeling tired. 

His eyes have been half-lidded, almost the entire time they’ve been talking and he’s asked Donghyuck to repeat what he was saying five times already. Donghyuck told him to get some sleep but Mark merely shook his head and smiled, “I called you for a reason, y’know?”

Donghyuck raises his eyebrows, “A reason that couldn’t wait tomorrow? Or at a better time for you?”

Mark nods, sluggishly. “I wanted to hear your voice.” he grins lazily at the camera, “You have such a nice voice.”

Donghyuck blushes, his gaze dipping elsewhere besides his phone. “Are you drunk?”

“No, I couldn’t sleep so I was just... going through a lot of thoughts. One of them was like, I kinda miss Donghyuck’s voice. So, here I am.” He grins, waving at Donghyuck. “Did you miss mine?”

“It’s kind of hard to miss your voice, when I listen to it so often.” Donghyuck says, giggling. “I do miss talking to you, though.”

Mark flashes him another smile, fidgeting around, making the camera move roughly until he finally settles down, clearly lying down on a bed. “Tell me about your day.”

Donghyuck lets out a sigh, “I already told you, I just went to a couple of rehearsals for this musical I have soon.” 

“You downplay it so much, you got the role of Danny Zuko from Grease, that’s huge, baby.” Mark says, unblinkingly. “I can’t wait to watch it,” 

Donghyuck lets his comment slip, closing his eyes briefly to relish in the affectionate nickname, before he smiles. “If you can’t make it, I’ll have Jaemin record it for you, okay?”

“I will make it.” Mark replies, determined. “For you, for your first lead role at a musical that’s not for your school. I will make it, I want to be there.” 

Donghyuck’s already red cheeks, flush even deeper. He looks away, squirming around until he finds one of his stray pillows to hold onto. “I know, you’re busy. If you don’t, it’s okay. I’ll understand-” 

“Donghyuck,” Mark interjects, his voice lowering. “I’ll be there, trust me.”

Donghyuck acknowledges his reply with a hum, then quickly shifts the topic of conversation to something that won’t have him feeling like he’s heart is reacing.

 

///

 

Mark doesn’t make it.

It’s the last performance for Grease, and Mark still hasn’t showed up. Donghyuck tries hard to not be disappointed. He knows, logically, with Mark flying off to perform at all these overseas concerts and schedules, that it wasn’t going to happen. Jaemin and his mom are seating in the front row, with a camera, obnoxiously clapping for Donghyuck as his name gets called up to the stage. 

Donghyuck smiles as the crowd applauds, bowing. He lingers until the rest of the cast and crew get a special shout-out before leaving the stage. His mom and Jaemin, are waiting for him at the side with a bouquet of flowers, loudly congratulating for him for a job well done. 

“You guys don’t have to buy me flowers every time you know? You’d save a lot of money if you don’t,” Donghyuck says, laughing as he takes the flowers from Jaemin, when his mom puts on an affronted look. “I’m just saying, flowers are pretty and all. But, I’d rather get treated to a meal or something.”

“I guess that’s where I come in,” A guy pipes up, sidling beside his mom and Jaemin. “Hi, I’m Siwoo. If you’re still interested in getting that meal, wanna grab one with me?”

Donghyuck frowns, furrowing his eyebrows. That had to be the most obnoxious way someone’s approached him before. The guy is kind of good-looking sure, but something about the twist to his lips as he openly checked Donghyuck out, made him beyond uncomfortable. “No thanks,”

Siwoo readjusts his stance, “What, you aren’t gay or something? I asked a couple of kids and they said that you are, so it’s not that.” his voice takes a sharp turn.

His mom positions herself in front of him, “He said no, so leave.” 

Siwoo snorts, rolling his eyes, turning around to leave but not before saying. “Yeah, whatever. You’re not that great anyway, kind of cracked a bit on that note right?”

Donghyuck winces, pulling the flowers closer to his chest. He didn’t notice he messed up on that one note, too caught up within the scene. But if a guy like that noticed it, then it must have been a big mistake. He buries his face into the flowers, muttering. “Let’s go home.”

Jaemin rubs his shoulder, “Don’t listen to that asshole, you were amazing. I have no idea what the fuck he’s talking about.”

“Seriously Hyuck, you were so good. Your acting was so good, I got caught up in the entire scene-” his mom trails off, ranting about Donghyuck’s performance but he finds that he’s not listening too much anymore. All he really wants to do is wipe off his makeup and get home.

Maybe even bury himself in his blankets, despite the fact that the weather was particularly warm that day. He hurries to the dressing room, his mom and Jaemin, flanking him. They’re still talking but Donghyuck is still not inclined to pay attention.

He changes out of his clothes, grabbing one of the make-up wipes to get rid off the harshest parts of his makeup. His phone vibrates in his pants, Donghyuck deems it a quick look. It’s a message from Mark. He probably had a good excuse as to why he couldn’t go, probably some last-minute schedule that he didn’t plan for.

But, all it says is: “I can’t come today, I’m sorry.”

Not even an explanation or an emoticon or something. Donghyuck’s jaw stiffens, narrowing his eyes at the message as he contemplates throwing his phone against the wall. He knew Mark wasn’t going to make it. Still, Mark reassured him, said that he should trust him and he did. 

Right, so much for that.

 

///

 

The following morning, another message from Mark pops up.

**8:34 A.M.**

From: Mark

i’m so sorry i couldn’t make it donghyuck, i went out with a couple of the members and got hammered the night before and i wasn’t cleared to fly by my manager because of it.

Donghyuck purses his lips, pressing his face into his hands. 

The grand excuse he had been waiting for, for the whole night and the next morning to explain Mark failing to show up, is...what he should have expected honestly. For some reason, Donghyuck had thought it was going to be drastic, bordering life and death or some shit that would prevent Mark from attending his musical or something.

He should’ve known. 

Mark has a life outside Donghyuck too, he probably forgot about it until the day of. He was busy after all, Donghyuck lets that thought linger around in his head. There’s no reason why Mark would prioritize him over the friends that he’s a lot closer to, of course.

Before Donghyuck knows it, he’s tearing up, pulling up his knees close to his chest. 

He knew he wasn’t that significant to Mark’s life, but he couldn’t quite suppress the hope that he meant more. That his crush was reciprocated, but he was probably reading into it just like everything else. His phone vibrates in his hand again, a message from his mom telling him that breakfast is ready that Donghyuck replies with a thumbs-up emoji too.

Donghyuck will get over this. He did before, and he will again.

He wipes his eyes again, constructing a simple reply back to Mark before pocketing his phone in his jeans.

**8:40 A.M.**

From: Donghyuck

It’s fine, didn’t think you would come anyway.

 

///

 

Donghyuck distances himself from Mark, slowly but surely. 

Mark sends him another message after his last one, promising to treat him to something as a form of apology but Donghyuck merely makes a vague excuse about being busy, cutting the conversation short. There’s a couple more messages from Mark, more pictures or attempts at conversation. 

Donghyuck replies to them in the briefest way possible, refuses any possible calls or invitations to hang out. It takes a couple of weeks, but it eventually slows to almost nothing at all. There’s the occasional memes sent back and forth but that’s where Donghyuck cuts it off.

Jaemin closes his fansite too. 

“In a form of support,” Jaemin comments, sipping at his drink and scrolling through the replies of fans, thanking him for all the work that he did. “Also, I kind of have no more money to continue doing this, to be honest.”

Donghyuck snorts, kicking his foot slightly under the table. Jaemin winks, leaning back against the worn-out booth of the new coffee place they’ve taken to going to. 

It’s cute, a little worn down but in an almost charming way. 

The shop’s in the middle of a bunch of art colleges, so there’s a bunch of people in colourful shirts or just random dance wear lazing around. A couple of stains are permanently embedded into the actual furniture of the shop, that would look sloppy if it had been anywhere else. The smell of coffee mixes pleasantly with the aroma of the baked goods and the owners are very nice to him.

It's the ideal place to hang out and pointedly not think about things that's been bringing him down lately.

Donghyuck’s phone vibrates on the table, he turns it around. It’s another message from Mark, asking him, if he’s free to hang out. He’s just about to reject it, when Jaemin eyes it from across the table, “He’s still texting you?”

Donghyuck nods, “Yeah, he’s been asking to hang out or just call in general, like we used to.”

“You’re saying no again?” Jaemin stirs his drink, “What _exactly_ did he do?”

Donghyuck lowers his chin, heaving a sigh. “I don’t know, sort of.” he scratches another mark into the damaged table with his fingernail, “He was supposed to come, to Grease, made a big deal about coming. He didn’t. I should’ve known, but I expected him to, y’know?”

Jaemin hums, nodding along. “Did he say why he couldn’t come?’

“Yeah,” Donghyuck wrinkles his nose, “Said he got hammered the night before so his manager said he couldn’t take the flight home.”

“Kind of sounds like a crappy excuse,” Jaemin comments, “Did you let him have it? Did he apologize?” 

Donghyuck shrugs, “I shouldn’t have expected anything. He did, but I’m trying not to give myself expectations by not contacting him. I don’t think hanging out again is gonna be good. Not when I’ve got this,” he makes a vague gesture with his hand, “Thing, for him.”

Jaemin rolls his eyes, “It’s called a crush, Hyuck. Use your words.” he leans his chin on his hand, “I would do the same if I was in your position, but you and I usually wouldn’t share that trait. Let me ask you something, do you want it to end like this?”

Donghyuck shakes his head, “I don’t, but I don’t know how to get rid of my feelings otherwise and I don’t want to...you know, keep this weird hope I have in him possibly liking me back.”

“You don’t just get rid of feelings Hyuck, there’s no switch for it.” Jaemin smiles fondly, “If you want him to remain as your friend, hang out with him. But, like, set boundaries. Don’t distance yourself and end up hurting both of yourselves in the process.”

Donghyuck relents, “Okay.”

He accepts Mark’s invitation. 

 

///

 

They end up going to another movie, at an actual movie theater this time. A local one, close to Donghyuck’s house, where Mark in his ‘sneaky’ attire probably wouldn’t get recognized in. 

There weren’t any rom-coms showing at the time, so they settled for the next best thing which were obnoxiously horrible scary movies. Mark still jerked at some of the jumpscares and Donghyuck would be lying if he said that he didn’t too.

The theatre was empty, so they pretty much just held their entire conversation at a normal volume level. All in all, it was a pretty good time. There was a brief awkward moment, where Mark had tried to place his arm around Donghyuck’s shoulders, only to have Donghyuck shrugging it off. 

But other than that, it was great. 

Good, even. 

Fine.

Then they went to go grab a couple of frozen yogurts at the place right across, right after. Donghyuck said something about being eager to grab something sweet to eat, which lead Mark into saying, “When you’re so sweet already?”

Donghyuck scoffs as he pays for his treat, stabbing the pink plastic spoon into his green tea flavoured frozen yogurt. “Yeah, yeah, okay. Lay off the jokes.”

Mark frowns, “I’m not joking,” he makes a move to hold his hand, but Donghyuck merely slides his hand out from under his grip, taking a seat at the nearest booth. If possible, Mark’s frown gets even deeper as he follows his lead and sits across from him, “Donghyuck, did I do something? Are you mad?”

“No, um, technically you didn’t.” Donghyuck bites his lip, shoving his spoon down in the yogurt for another scoop. Mark stares at him insistently until Donghyuck finally gives in, “I was kind of mad at you for not attending my musical, but again I knew you were gonna be busy with other things or er- other people. My expectations shouldn’t have been that high.” 

His voice trails off towards the end, hoping that Mark wouldn’t hear him. He’s hesitant to even make direct eye contact with Mark but he forces himself to, only to see Mark biting his lip, nodding to himself. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I shouldn’t have-”

“Hyuck, no. It was my fault, I shouldn’t have gone out to drink that night before, I wanted to go and I planned to go your musical. I had the ticket and everything, but-” Mark says, his fingers twitch like he wants to try and hold Donghyuck’s hand again like he usually does but he refrains. “I promised you. It’s my fault, I’m sorry. I should have been more careful,”

Donghyuck gives him a half-shrug, “It’s okay, it’s not like we’re dating or anything. I shouldn’t have expected anything.”

Mark grimaces, pressing his lips together. “Right,” he shakes his head, “Tell me about the musical. How did it go? Did anything interesting happen?”

“Not really, Jaemin and my mom were there. They were kind of annoying to be honest, inappropriately loud.” Donghyuck smiles fondly, “They do this thing, where they give me flowers every time I manage to break a personal milestone. It was a good day, there was this other thing that kind of ruined it. It’s not you,” he hurries to say before Mark could even say anything. “It’s another thing, but it’s not even worth discussing.”

“Thing? What thing?” Mark says, his expression tightening. Of course, of all the things he had to hold onto, it was the sentence that Donghyuck didn’t want to linger on. “Did something happen? Are you okay? Did someone try to harm you?”

Donghyuck shakes his head, “There was just this guy,” he starts, “He sort of asked me out?”

Mark’s eyes widen, “He asked you out?” he folds his arms, raising his jaw. “Did you say yes?”

“No, oh my god. He was awful.” Donghyuck grimaced, “He couldn’t take no for an answer, just because he knew I was gay, he thought-”

He slams a hand over his mouth, shrinking back. 

Donghyuck glances down, avoiding Mark’s eyes. How the hell could he have let that slip, no matter how comfortable Mark might be with him, there’s a line. He can feel his hands start to shake as he pulls them back, wrapping them around his arms. “I-”

“Donghyuck? Are you-” Mark says something, but it gets lost and drowned amidst Donghyuck’s own thoughts. He flinches when Mark exits his side of the booth to approach him, only to have him stop right beside him.

Mark crouches down to meet his eyes, “I just want to give you a hug. That’s it.”

Donghyuck nods hesitantly, as Mark stands up and envelops him in a tight hug. He leans against Mark’s shoulder when he comes close enough, his breath slowing down. Mark presses his face against the side of Donghyuck’s head, “Thank you for telling me and trusting me.”

Mark holds him tighter, “I’m so proud of you, do you know that?”

Donghyuck sniffs, his arms coming up to hug Mark’s waist. “Thank you.” 

 

///

 

Saying that he’ll set boundaries between him and Mark is a lot easier said than done, when Mark hasn’t given him a chance to do it. Donghyuck assumed that after he’d come out to Mark that he’d at least be distant for a while or maybe even refrain from any sort of physical affection. 

But, if anything, it just seems like Mark took the completely opposite approach. 

Donghyuck can think that with complete confidence when you consider the fact that Mark randomly dropped by his house, brought him some of his favourite snacks, and is now borderline cuddling with him on his bed as they watch another rom-com movie. Mark took the initiative, asking Donghyuck if he can lie down on his bed first, before he’d asked Donghyuck to do the same. He told Donghyuck to pull his laptop a little closer so they can watch the movie more comfortably at their position, and it's resulted in their current position.

Now lying down beside each other doesn’t necessarily have to be affectionate. Mark could have distanced himself. He could’ve put up a pillow border in between them to establish some sort of statement. What Mark actually did however, was pull him close, letting Donghyuck lie down on his arm as he lays back comfortably against Donghyuck’s pillows which he’s piled up.

And if that wasn’t enough, Mark also started carding his fingers through Donghyuck’s hair at odd moments of the film. Donghyuck let himself enjoy it for a little bit, until he eventually spoke up. “Mark, you don’t have to do this you know?”

Mark hums, his attention still focused on the movie. “Do what?”

“I don’t know, be affectionate with me. I’m not going to think that you’re-”

Mark stops his rant by pulling him down to lie on his chest, “I’m doing this because I want to. I want you close, I want to cuddle and I missed you.” he twirls a piece of Donghyuck’s hair around his fingers, then stops. “But, if you don’t want me to, of course just let me know. Do you not want me to?”

Donghyuck shakes his head, briefly hiding a smile into Mark’s chest before he shifts around so he can have a better view of the laptop. “I like it.” he whispers. 

Mark laughs, burying his face into Donghyuck’s hair, whispering something that sounded oddly close to ‘me too’ before he pulls him closer by his shoulder. “That’s good, tell me about your day huh?”

“Aren’t we watching a movie right now?” Donghyuck says blandly.

Mark pauses the movie, “There you go. Now, we’re not watching it.” his hand moves down to his back, tracing unknown shapes into it that makes Donghyuck want to shiver. “I want to hear what’s going on in your life, c’mon.”

“God, you’re so stubborn.” Donghyuck huffs, “Besides, I told you. I went to school, went to rehearsals and that’s it. Nothing interesting ever happens to me on a Thursday. Nothing interesting happens in general on a Thursday.”

“I don’t know, bet I can prove you wrong.” Mark suggests, “Loads of interesting happens on Thursdays. I was born on a Thursday.”

“Who said you were interesting?” Donghyuck snaps, letting out a groan when Mark pinches him. “You can’t say I’m wrong when your friends say that you’re ‘no-fun’ on television all the time. I’m merely stating a fact, at this point.”

“I’m my most interesting self when I’m around you though,” Mark whines, “If you think I’m boring too, I’m basically hopeless.”

Donghyuck shrugs, grinning when Mark lightly tugs at his hair. “Hey you said it, not me.”

“You’re supposed to disagree,” Mark whispers, “Say something like, ‘Oh Mark, you’re the greatest that’s why I have so much of your merch. You’re so cool and interesting. The funniest guy I’ve ever-”

Donghyuck abruptly sits up, just to punch Mark in the shoulder repeatedly before getting pulled down and smothered again. “Fine, you’re interesting sometimes.” he gives in, blushing when Mark places a soft kiss on the top of his head.

“Thank you,” Mark says, “And you’re interesting all the time, but you don’t need me to tell you that.”

Donghyuck nods, “Of course. I’ve got Jaemin for that one.”

Mark snorts, shaking with laughter. “Yeah, okay. I’ll tell him that and see what he thinks about it.”

Donghyuck shrugged again, “Yeah sure, he’d only agree you know.” he leans his chin on Mark’s chest, tilting his head to look up at him and raising his eyebrows. “Why do you think my mom and him are so close? It’s ‘cause they share that.”

“Always thought it was because they both gossiped about you behind your back so,” Mark replies, smiling.

Donghyuck grins, “Fuck you.”

Mark smirks, “You’d have to stand in line for that one. Apparently a lot of people want to.”

 

///

 

“Yeah, so Mark-”

Jaemin holds a hand up, lets out a deep sigh, then takes a long sip of his drink before he gestures for Donghyuck to continue on. And it just dawns on Donghyuck that he’s been talking about Mark the entire time they’d been at the cafe… which was embarrassingly long. Enough for the afternoon to set almost completely, filling the place with a warm orangey sort of light.

Donghyuck laughs, scratching the back of his neck. “Okay, okay, I get it I’ve been talking about Mark too much. Why didn’t you stop me?”

“You’d think my lack of response and my continuous sighing would’ve told you to stop but you just kept on going,” Jaemin rolls his eyes, before winking. “It was cute though, I haven’t seen you gush this much over a boy since that guy you who had a crush on in sophomore year and even that only lasted a couple of weeks.”

Donghyuck ducks his head, blushing. “Well, I don’t know. You were right, getting rid of feelings is easier said than done. So, I might as well ride this out.”

Jaemin puffs his chest, “Of course, I’m right. I always am.” he leans back against the booth, crossing his arms behind him to pillow his head. “Besides, I don’t think you have to ride this one out.” 

Donghyuck furrows his eyebrows, looks around, before leaning in to whisper. “What are you even saying.”

“You know what I’m saying, it seems pretty obvious this thing is reciprocated.” Jaemin says, “And before you get down on yourself and say, it’s not possible or some shit. Remember you’re cute, you’re talented, and you’re funny. You’ve had so many pseudo-dates that it might as well just be called a ‘date.’ At this point, I’m just waiting for you to let me know.”

Donghyuck frowns, “This isn’t some rom-com or something. There’s no way he’s even interested in me, he would’ve said.”

Jaemin rolls his eyes, leaning forward to stir his straw around in his drink. “Would he really? Just think about it, if you were in his situation would you?”

Donghyuck wouldn’t. Even accidentally letting Mark know the fact that he’s gay nearly caused him to hyperventilate, he can’t imagine outright confessing. And he wouldn’t have to, it’s not like he has any plans to say anything about his feelings. After all, he managed to not say anything all those years they trained together and he was arguably, more impulsive then.

“It’s a good thing, we’re two different people then.” Donghyuck shoots back, clearing his throat. “Can’t we just go back to talking about the shit that goes on in school?”

Jaemin nods, “We can, but don’t completely disregard what I said, huh? Talk to other people that he knows if you want. But, I have a good feeling about this.”

“Oh yeah, that’s reassuring let me just go ask Jeno about Mark’s non-existent crush on me?” Donghyuck takes a long obnoxious sip at his drink, “That’s a good way to get a restraining order Jaemin, not answers.”

Jaemin pushes his face into his hands, “You’re so dramatic, oh my god. Just ask Jeno, what the hell are you going to lose.”

Donghyuck raises his eyebrows, “I’m done talking about this.”

Jaemin sighs, “Do what you want. I’m trying to save you weeks of pining here, but whatever.”

 

///

 

“Jaemin’s right.” Jeno says, as he chews through the breakfast bagel that’s meant to be for Donghyuck from Mark. In Jeno’s defense he didn’t know, not until Mark had gotten what Jeno had called an ‘angry constipated’ look on his face before running out the door to buy more, leaving Donghyuck and Jeno by themselves at the dorm.

At this point, Donghyuck feels pretty comfortable with Jeno. 

He has a great sense of timing. And by that, he means that more often than not, he usually comes right before any of the other members start drilling with him questions, either distracting them with a request or just plain interrupting their question.

Donghyuck had asked him about it before, but Jeno merely smiled, replying that Mark will ‘owe’ him for it and he’d left it at that. Jeno’s pretty easy to talk to. Even if he does just mostly talk about things that he and Renjun are interested in recently, at least Donghyuck can hold a semi-normal conversation. 

Well, normally. 

But then Donghyuck actually went ahead and asked Jeno like Jaemin had suggested and he’s quickly doubting that they can even have that. He’d told Jeno that and got a pointed eye roll in return. 

“You guys are basically dating,” Jeno puts his bagel down and mimics a crushing motion with his hands. “Just do it.” 

Donghyuck squints, “Do what?”

“Confess to each other, date, get married, have babies.” Jeno waves a hand, “If that path isn’t something for you, do some other thing. I don’t know, you guys are young and pretty. Go forth and be gay.”

“It’s easier said than done, Jeno. You know... for someone who was just asked if one of his closer friends wasn’t straight, you’re taking this pretty calmly.” Donghyuck narrows his eyes, pursing his lips. He thought Jeno can be trusted, but then again, you can never fully know these days. If Jeno was secretly Mark’s rival and Donghyuck just gave him some ammunition, he wouldn’t know what to do. 

Jeno just flashes him a brief panicked look before he leans back against the chair, “No one’s straight. Sexualilty is fluid, consent is key and all that. Frankly, I think you guys would look cute together. I’m pretty sure the rest of the band does too,” he looks down, picks the bagel apart in his hands, shoving a smaller piece into his mouth. “If you really wanna know the answer though, you can just ask him.”

Donghyuck scoffs, “I can’t just ask Mark that!”

“Ask me what?” Mark asks, closing the door behind him that locks with a quiet beep. He toes off his shoes at the entrance, carrying the brown paper bag with the bakery’s logo before pointedly staring at Jeno until he stands up from his seat with a heavy sigh.

He winks at Donghyuck, “That’s my cue to leave, Hyuck.” he leaves with his bagel and a playful salute before entering one of the rooms. 

Mark frowns after him, taking Jeno’s seat before turning back to Donghyuck with a confused look. “He calls you ‘Hyuck’ now, too?”

“We’ve gotten comfortable,” Donghyuck shrugs, “Don’t worry though, you’re still number one in my heart.” he reaches out to pinch Mark’s cheek, then laughs when Mark makes the same face he’d directed at Jeno that morning. 

“He ate your bagel,” he says, raising his eyebrows at Donghyuck. “Are you sure you want to give him that?”

Donghyuck snorts, “Give him what? The privilege of calling me by a nickname?”

Mark nods seriously, “It all starts with a nickname and a stolen bagel,” he holds his stern expression for a couple more seconds before he finally breaks into a grin, “Not that I’d let him go much further than that, of course.”

Something about that sentence doesn’t sit right with Donghyuck. 

He’s usually a lot less easier to upset when he’s talking to Mark because he has come to known that Mark tends to slip with his words a lot. But, something about the almost knowing way Mark says it, rubs him the wrong way and before he knows it he’s tensing up. 

Donghyuck crosses his arms, “Let him? Do I not get a choice in this?” 

Mark stammers, blinking rapidly. “N-no, I just mean. I- He knows that I-”

Donghyuck purses his lips, tilting his head to the side. “That what?” 

Mark chews on his bottom his lip, looking away. “It’s nothing, I shouldn’t have said that I’m sorry.” he shakes his head, holding out his hand as a tentative offer of peace to Donghyuck who still takes it, despite his angry state. 

“You shouldn’t have, that’s not something that you get to decide.” Donghyuck stares him down until he starts to fidget in his seat, “Finish your sentence.”

Mark shakes his head, “I’m not sure I should. It was dumb. I mean, it wasn’t...which is why it I should not say it, y’know?” he smiles shyly, holding Donghyuck’s hand a little tighter. “I was using it as an excuse for the crappy thing I said, but it isn’t. It shouldn’t be.” 

And that, that’s exactly why he can’t stay mad at Mark for too long. 

He’s just too damn sincere with anything he does. Donghyuck knows that he’s always trying to be understanding, even when he shouldn’t have to. Even when they have arguments about random and stupid shit, Mark’s so good-natured that he wouldn’t even get mad at Donghyuck’s targeted insults.

It doesn’t excuse what Mark says, but at least he knows that and he’s trying to own up to it. 

Donghyuck sighs, giving in. “Fine,” he pauses, looking around for something else to talk about before he points to the lone brown paper bag with his bagel that sits on the table, “Thank you for breakfast, you didn’t have to. I wish you’d let me buy the food sometimes.”

“I never have to, Donghyuck but I want to. I like- uh getting to do these things for you. Besides, you cooked for me that other day I came over right? You don’t need to buy shit when you have the innate talent to cook.” Mark winks, leaning back in his chair. “Also, it kind of makes me feel your sugar daddy, to be honest.”

Donghyuck chokes, covering his rapidly blushing face with his hands. “Jesus!” he shoves Mark’s to the side, “Fuck off!”

“Hey! Is that anyway to treat your daddy?” Mark waggles his eyebrows, quickly dodging Donghyuck’s next attack.

 

///

 

After Donghyuck’s botched attempt to distance himself from Mark ended up with his unplanned ‘coming out’ confession, the subject of Mark possibly attending one of his musicals was never brought up again. Sure, Donghyuck would talk about a musical that he took part in here and there but he made sure to never linger on the subject.

Call it a way to protect himself or whatever, it’s not like Mark ever pursued the topic further himself. He could try and Donghyuck knows there’s been many times where Mark look like he wanted to, but one pointed look from Donghyuck usually got him to drop it.

So, when another big opportunity for Donghyuck to play the lead came along, he made sure to downplay it as much as he can.

He’d cancelled a lot of his plans with Mark because of the strenuous rehearsals but made sure to come up with a different excuse each time. Mark had asked if he did something, but Donghyuck quickly quelled that question by saying that he’d had a lot of preparations to do as a graduating student. He did have to do a lot for his final projects sure, but he’d manage to finish the majority of it for the latest production he was a part of.

It isn’t as grand of a role as the one Mark had missed but it is a much larger production. The venue was bigger, the props were a lot more expensive and detailed and many of the cast members themselves had years upon years of experience. 

For a musical as widely known and loved like, ‘Into the Woods,’ the fact that Donghyuck was even considered for the role of Jack was an honour, in and of itself.

He was the youngest member of the cast and while he was coddled by a lot of the much older cast, he also felt more pressure. Donghyuck invested as much time as he could, to the point where Jaemin had to remind him that he had to shower. 

But, it also built up to this very moment.

Donghyuck doesn’t even remember the process of being made up for the entire thing. He barely had enough time to even greet his mom and Jaemin before he was whisked away in a flurry of last-minute vocal rehearsals with a couple of his cast mates. 

And before he knew it the musical was starting, then his scenes came and ended as quick as it came and they were bowing for the curtain call. A chorus of heavy clapping courtesy of his mom and Jaemin came when his name was called out, that resulted him in flushing through his stage makeup. 

His fellow cast members clapped him on the back and congratulated him for a job well done as soon as they entered the dressing room. Donghyuck, high on adrenaline, rushed out of the door as soon as he’s changed, eager to talk about his experience only to be met by a giant bouquet of flowers and the familiar sight of Mark, in a cap and a mask, peeking from behind them. 

His eyes are curled up into crescents and despite the mask that hides half his face, his grin remains obvious. Jaemin and his mom, trail behind him, muttering to themselves but take the time to occasionally wink at Donghyuck while they motion towards Mark.

Donghyuck takes the bouquet with a bashful smile, “Thank you.” his smile turns into grin, when Mark tries to speak only to be stifled by his mask. “You wanna come with me, my mom and Jaemin to the diner and have a post-celebratory meal?”

Mark nods eagerly and he follows closely as Donghyuck makes his way over to his mom and Jaemin, who seem to have gotten their act together, grinning suspiciously at Donghyuck. 

Jaemin waves at Mark, “Hey Mark!” then he turns to Donghyuck, with an odd glint to his eye. “Donghyuck, your mom and I are going to go get a last minute present for your successful musical, don’t wait up!”

His mom nods along, before she pulls Jaemin away, leaving Donghyuck to shout after them, “Where the hell are you going to get a present at ten p.m. at night?”

“You’ll find out when we get home tonight, honey!” His mom replies, turning back briefly to flash him an obnoxious thumbs up and a wink before exiting the theatre with Jaemin. 

Donghyuck huffs, shifting his attention to Mark. “Wanna come to my place instead then?”

Mark nods again in agreement.

 

///

 

“So, you wanna tell me how you knew about the musical?” Donghyuck asks, crossing his arms across his chest. He’s a bit stumped as to how Mark even managed to get tickets, considering it had been a sold out show but he probably had connections. It wouldn’t be surprising if he did.

They’re back at his house, a mere half an hour after the play after a drive from Mark’s manager who he’d actually told about his plans and left after a stern reminder to Mark to call him when he needs to be picked up. 

“I looked you up, you’re not as slick as you think you know?” Mark pulls his mask and cap off, making himself comfortable on the couch before gesturing for Donghyuck to settle down beside him. 

Donghyuck does, but not before giving him a suspicious look. “How did you even know that I was performing today, there’s one other person who’s playing this role and as far as I know they don’t specify that.”

Mark shrugs, “I asked Jaemin and he told me.” he cleared his throat, pressing his lips. “I know you wouldn’t have told me, not after what I did the last time.”

Donghyuck nods and tries not to feel guilty. His actions were justified, given the situation. He knows that, but it’s hard not to feel bad when Mark has shown over and over again how much he regretted it. Not only through his repeated apologies but also his commitment to actually making sure that he actually fulfills his promises. 

“I feel like I should tell you,” Mark starts, then shakes his head. “Why, I went and got drunk specifically the night before your first play.”

Donghyuck tenses up, “You don’t have to, I know that it’s because you had other-”

“No,” Mark interjects, shoulders slumping. “I- Before, I tell you, please don’t think that you’re obligated to reciprocate in any kind of way. Seriously, I want you to know that first and foremost. No pressure, I just-”

Donghyuck reaches out to hold his hand, smiling, “Of course, but again, don’t force yourself to talk about this, if you don’t want to. We can move on past this, if you want, whatever you want to do.”

Mark tightens his hold around Donghyuck’s hand briefly, “I want to.” he glances away, biting his lip. “Jeno took me out to drink that night because I was nervous. The phone call we had that night, it made me more aware of how I felt for you.”

He cleared his throat, “That day, it wasn’t a very good day but what got me through it was that phone call. It was me looking forward to the fact that I could hear your voice after all the things that had happened and that… scared me. I’ve never felt that way before.” he smiles, “That night before, I was so nervous about meeting you that I nearly tore a hole in the carpet of the hotel because I was just constantly pacing around. Jeno and I had some drinks to work the nerves off, and it worked a little too well. I wasn’t quite hungover the next day but my face was swollen and my manager pretty much told me that I couldn’t go because of how the airport pictures would come out.”

Donghyuck stilled, biting his lip. He could feel his palms sweating at the mere thought of the direction that Mark’s story seems to be heading. He wants to pull away to prevent Mark from feeling the severity of his sweaty hands, but resists the urge, opting to grip Mark’s hand tighter instead. 

Mark smiles gratefully, before continuing on. “I can’t tell you, how much I’ve regretted doing that. The following weeks when you pulled away, isn’t something I want to go through again.” he stares directly at Donghyuck, “It made me miss you even more, I thought maybe I should be less insistent and tried to contact you less and less but then we met up again, and I don’t know, seeing you again... I can’t explain it into words but it made me greedy. When you said that, we weren’t dating, I couldn’t help but think about what would have happened, if we were.”

He grins, when Donghyuck tightens his hold around his hand again. “I tried to be obvious you know, about how I felt for you, I mean. I’m not that affectionate with other people, you’re right, that part about me hasn’t changed. But with you, it’s different.” he scratches his neck, “I don’t want to take advantage of you or your feelings for me, as a fan. I just, I love you.”

“You don’t have to reciprocate,” Mark waves a hand around, “Hell, you don’t even need to respond. I just want to be a part of your life again, if you’ll have me. I understand, if you want some time apart-”

Donghyuck reaches out, flicking his finger against Mark’s forehead. “I don’t want time apart, idiot. You’re not taking advantage of me, I wouldn’t let you.” he leans in, flushing slightly at the intensity of Mark’s gaze before he licks his lips. “You asked every time you did something affectionate, if it was okay and reassured me that I could pull away if I want to. You told me, each and every time that I had a choice and I didn’t say no or reject any of it, do you know why?” 

Mark shakes his head, but the smile that creeps up on his face is a sign that he probably does. 

Donghyuck moves closer, until Mark’s eyes on him is practically cross-eyed. He reaches out, to hold Mark’s face in his hands gently before saying. “Because, I love you too.” he leans in, but stops right before he makes contact with Mark’s lips. “Can I kiss you?”

Mark nods slightly, leaning in and initiating the kiss himself.

**Author's Note:**

> other bits that are implied but isn't specified:  
> \- doyoung recognized donghyuck  
> \- mark bought those rom-coms the day before, that's why they were so new and unopened  
> \- jeno knew about mark's feelings before mark did  
> \- mark's been extra affectionate to donghyuck since the beginning bc he missed him 
> 
> i hope you folks like it! sorry if it was too cheesy hahaha, thank you for reading! 
> 
> please leave a kudos or a comment, if you want hehe
> 
> tumblr: http://www.markhyuckaus.tumblr.com


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